I didn't want to cancel Christmas but my heart just wasn't in it. It felt like too much to bear in the wake of losing my husband, Nick, this year. How could there be Christmas without my Saint Nick? I opened the box and was overcome with gratitude and emotion. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I examined the contents. I could imagine Nick laughing at my childlike joy as the first thing I was drawn to was the kid's nativity magnets which I immediately put on the fridge. Next I picked up the ornament, Merry Christmas on one side North Parkersburg Baptist Church on the other. Before adding it to our tree, I held the ornament for a minute or two reflecting on how immensely blessed we were when we started attending North and ultimately accepted Jesus into our lives. With this thought a little joy surfaced in my heart.
I had always wanted an advent wreath and I knew exactly where I wanted to place it, right next to one of our nativity sets. I took time to light the first candle, the "Hope" candle and revisited the message from Sunday. I vowed to take time every night this month to truly reflect on the reason for the season. I thought about ways that Nick could still be a part of my celebrations. With this a little hope surfaced in my heart.
My favorite item was the drip protector and candle. Attending Christmas Eve candlelight service and singing Silent Night has long been my favorite Christmas tradition. Right now I'm not comfortable attending church in person because of Covid and also because I'm just too emotional. So, I just assumed it was another part of Christmas that I would be missing this year. To know I will be able to attend Christmas Eve service virtually, participate in the candle lighting, and worship and sing from home is amazing. I know I will cry when we sing Silent Night. I always do. It is so moving. And I'll think of Nick squeezing my hand at church, giving me that "why are you crying look" though I always catch a glimpse of him secretly wiping away a stray tear too. It's at this moment that the true meaning of Christmas is always strongest. For me the true meaning is simply...love. Everlasting, unconditional love. And that's something to celebrate, I can celebrate the everlasting love I have for Nick and I can celebrate the immense love God has for us.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
Yes, Christmas will be different in many ways this year, but Christmas is not cancelled. The box from our church helped me realize this.
Thank you for this gift.
